Peace of Sh*t
October 9, 2009

In another sign that the world is getting sicker and sicker, St. Barack has won the Nobel Peace Prize.  Like the United Nations, the Nobel committee lost credibility years ago.  What has Obama done in the nine months he has been President that has made this country or this world more peaceful?  Going abroad and apologizing about America's past arrogance?  Making nice with the Muslims?  No matter - remember, Yasser Arafat, Kofi Annan, Jimmy Carter, and Al Gore also won the Nobel Peace Prize.  Barack, baby, you're in good company.  What's next?  A People's Choice Award?


Blame It on Rio
October 3, 2009

So our beloved President flies to Copenhagen and tries to woo the Olympic committee to pick Chicago to host the 2016 games. Unlike the stupid American voters, the Olympic committee was not sold on St. Barack's wink and smile. The games will take place in Rio de Janeiro.

Have you ever heard of a President making such a trip? Goes to show that deep down he'll always be a state senator. Now we just have to wait for Jimmy Carter to accuse the Olympic committee of being racially biased.
  
 
Caught With His Worldwide Pants Down
October 2, 2009

Well, I must say that if I ever find myself being blackmailed for $2 million because I had sex with members of my staff, I hope I handle it with as much grace and humor as David Letterman has.  Letterman is not an elected official, so whatever he does in his private life really does not matter to anyone but his wife.  I dare you to find me anyone in Letterman's position who can resist all the women willing to sleep with him because of his fame and power.  He does not owe an explanation to anyone except his wife.  What she chooses to do is up to her and she is the only person who really should be hurt and upset by this whole thing.

Letterman handled this in an amazingly classy way.  Unlike a certain former President who could not help but lie about his affair, Letterman was honest, direct, and, of course, funny.  The guy who tried to blackmail him has a legitimate gripe with Letterman - his ex-girlfriend was one of Letterman's staffers in question.  There was jealousy and anger, especially since, unlike Letterman, the guy was recently dumped and in a financial hole.  He obviously thought Letterman was an easy target.  He was wrong.  And now he is in big legal trouble.

Letterman has always been the first one to poke fun at himself and I suspect he will deal with this painful admission by continuing to make himself the butt of his own jokes.  His career will not be affected by this.  His marriage may be another story, but at least he takes responsibility for his stupid human tricks.  I hope everything works out for him.


No Roman Holiday
September 30, 2009
 
Well, it took 32 years, but they finally got Roman Polanski.  With all of the horrible things going on in the world, does it really make sense to waste so much time, energy, and money to capture this man for a crime that happened three decades ago?  Even the victim has said she has moved on and so should everyone else.

I have mixed feelings about what should be done to Polanski.  I know that what he did was horrible.  He admitted that he knew the girl was only 13, he plied her with drugs and alcohol, and he forcibly had sex with her.  Not a nice thing to do.

If Polanski was not a famous director whose work I admire, would I feel differently about how he should be treated?  I would hope not.  The facts are pretty clear: he forced himself on a minor and then jumped bail for France.  Should the fact that it happened three decades ago and that Polanski is 76 figure into what happens to him now?  I don't know.

The man is clearly no saint, but then again, he's a director.  Most directors are sex fiends - why do you think I went to NYU film school?  One of the funniest things to come out of Polanski's capture is the fact that among a slew of directors petitioning for Polanski's release is Woody Allen, who I think committed an equally despicable crime by betraying Mia Farrow and marrying a woman, who was, in essence, his stepdaughter.  Ya gotta love Hollywood!


It's Not Easy Being Green
September 29, 2009

There are two runoff elections in New York City today.  Being an overwhelmingly Democratic town, whoever wins today will effectively win the office.  One race is for Public Advocate, with City Council Member Bill de Blasio running against Mark Green.  De Blasio is a smart, charismatic guy who is very popular in his Brooklyn district.  He deserves to win and I think he will.  Mark Green is a joke.  The only elected office he ever held was Public Advocate.  Since then he has unsuccessfully ran for Senate, Mayor, and Attorney General.  The man is a bona fide loser.  He even bought Air America, the bankrupt left-wing talk radio network.  He cannot get elected dog catcher, so he is now trying to get his old job as Public Advocate back.  Green is arrogant, unlikeable, and totally full of himself.  He has no significant record of accomplishment and will go down as an embarrassing footnote in the history of New York politics.

The other runoff is for Comptroller, with Brooklyn Councilman David Yassky running against Queens Councilman John Liu.  Liu, the first Chinese-American running for a major office in New York City, claimed he worked in a sweat shop as a child.  Turns out this was not true.  In addition to being a liar, Liu is a radical who is beholden to the unions.  Yassky is clearly the better choice.


Walker, Texas Jerk
September 29, 2009

Has anybody been able to really figure out why nearly all artists are raging liberals?  Sure, there are a few exceptions (Joan Rivers, Clint Eastwood, Pat Sajak, Gary Sinise, Tom Selleck, Danny Aiello, Kelsey Grammer, Jon Voight), but it is safe to say if you are in the arts, you are a liberal Democrat. Best of all, liberals are supposed to be open-minded and welcoming, right? So how come they say things like, "How could you possibly be a Republican?"

Aside from merely being staunch liberal Democrats, many Hollywood bigwigs seem to go out of their way to embrace the most repugnant elements of the world, i.e. murderous dictators such as Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez.  Jack Nicholson, one of my favorite actors and such a loveable, cool guy, so disappointed me when he went to Cuba to meet with Castro.  Steven Spielberg was another one who flew to Havana to smoke stogies with Castro.  They consider him a genius, a great leader, and smarter than any elected U.S. official.  Same with Chavez, who was recently feted by Susan Sarandon, Danny Glover (an inarticulate jerk who cannot put a sentence together to save his life), and Shia LaBeouf in New York.  What is wrong with these people?  LaBeouf considers Jon Voight to be his second father - I hope Voight smacks some sense into the kid, otherwise I'd like to break his good hand.

This is not merely a matter of being pro-choice or pro-life or being for big government or small government.  This is about legitimizing bad people.  And that makes these celebrities just as bad as the dictators they associate themselves with.  Yes, Sarandon, Nicholson, Spielberg, etc., are bad people.  Great talents, to be sure.  Fun at parties?  I bet.  But they would be surrounding themselves with Hitler and Mussolini if it seemed the "in" celebrity thing to do.  Plus, they don't have Dubya to kick around anymore, so they need something to occupy their time with.

While there are a few actors who are vocal Republicans, I must say that I wish one of them wasn't - Chuck Norris.  Never thought of him as much of an actor, and after reading some of his blogs, it is clear this guy is the kind of Republican who gives us a bad name.  He is a far right, homophobic, religious nut.  He is also a hypocrite - he fathered a child with another woman while married to his first wife, then divorced his first wife after thirty years of marriage.  He is now married to a woman 23 years his junior, with whom he has twins.  And he is now a devout Christian who talks about morality and espouses the evils of homosexuality.  What a jerk!  I am amazed that anyone in the entertainment industry can be so intolerant of gay people.  Norris must hate Rudy Giuliani, who is pro-choice, pro-gay rights, and - horror of horrors - lived with two gay men during his divorce from Donna Hanover.  Guess Giuliani's going to hell.

It's this kind of backwards element that made me briefly switch to being a Democrat in the early 1990s.  Worse, people like Norris have no idea what real Goldwater conservatism is all about.  If Norris was a true conservative, he would not care what two or three or four consenting adults do behind closed doors.  Hell, even Dick Cheney is supportive of his lesbian daughter and thinks gay marriage is okay.  I said it before and I will say it again - when the Republicans embrace the extreme wing of their party, they are destined to lose.  Nuts like Norris are just as bad as far left loonies like Pelosi, Rangel, and the Kennedys.  I am a Giuliani Republican - so bring on the abortions and the gay sex orgies.  Oh, and not that it matters, but I did hear that Chuck Norris had, how shall I say, "experimented" while a young actor - and I am not talking about drugs.  So, Mr. Big Bad Texas Ranger, shall I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry?


...And God Created Woman - WHY???
September 22, 2009

"Women.  A mistake?  Or did He do it to us on purpose?!"
                                                    - Jack Nicholson as Daryl Van Horne in The Witches of Eastwick

What the hell is wrong with women today?  Nose rings, tattoos, constant gum chewing, constant yakking on the cell phone, no sense of humor, uptight about sex.  How proud mom and dad must be.  And this is not the minority.  I cannot remember the last time I saw a woman in person who caught my eye because she was attractive.  I am convinced most women do not own a mirror, because I refuse to believe they actually mean to leave the house looking the way they do.  Orange hair, Woody Allen style black rimmed glasses, long demin dresses down to their feet.  But it's the tattoos that really turn my stomach the most.  Oh, and the way they talk.  "So I like went to her and, ya know, I like said that like we were supposed to like meet at the mall and she goes whatta ya mean and I go, well, ya know, we said like that we like were going to meet there on Saturday, ya know, and she goes whatever, and I'm like don't be a bitch, and ya know, she then goes..."

And what gets me is how particular these ugly bimbos are.  They look like circus freaks with breasts, yet they only want a guy who is over 5'10", makes over $75,000 a year, and looks like Brad Pitt.  I would not spend five minutes with any of these women, let alone waste my time and money buying them drinks and dinner, all for what?  A boring time and a handshake?  I am amazed when I see good-looking guys walking down the street with these ugly creepy women.  I love vagina but I have come to the reality that it simply is not worth all of the stress, aggravation, and boredom of being in the company of a woman just for the chance at some nookie.  I laugh at guys who go out of their way to hold a door for a woman, as if this is going to get them laid.  Prostitution is the most honest form of male-female relations there is.  Men are primarily interested in sex, women are not yet want lots of money - talk about the epitome of supply and demand.  And best of all, when you are done with the hooker, you can then hang out with your male friends, have some beers, and actually enjoy yourself.

I also love how women still complain about inequality.  The majority of the white collar workforce is women.  Women own businesses, run companies, and many single women earn higher salaries than married men with families.  There are more women in the Senate and House than ever before, we have six female governors in the U.S., they hold top-level cabinet positions, and on the network evening news two out of three anchors will be female.  But they still complain that there is no equality yet still want you to hold the door for them and pay for dinner.  You can't have it both ways, sweetie.

What really gets me are the ones who want jobs that should only be filled by men, such as cops and firemen.  Yeah, if some 300 lb. guy named Tyrrone breaks into my house, I want a 110 lb. little girl showing up to help me.

There is a priceless line from the great movie L.I.E. (2001) where the character played by Brian Cox sums up women perfectly: "They're professional ball busters," he says.  And it's true.  Women are game players.  In the last six months alone, I have met women in bars who seemed interested in me, appreciated my humor, and let me buy them a drink.  Then they say something like, "Oh, I have a boyfriend, he's out of town."  My reaction is usually, "Fine.  But we can still have sex, right?"  To which they say, "No, I'm serious with him."  To which my parting line is, "THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU LET ME BUY YOU A DRINK, YOU DUMB BITCH???!!!"

So yes, by all means call me a misogynist.  I do not care.  People have said to me, "Wow, you must really hate your mother to feel that way about women."  Wrong!  My mother is the most amazing person I have ever known and I worship her.  She is not like the empty-headed morons you see on the bus or walking down the street everyday.  And my mother is in total agreement with me about women - so does that make her a misogynist too?

There may indeed be a good woman out there who does not possess all of the sickening character traits I mentioned above - I have a friend who found one after getting out of a miserable marriage and they have been together and genuinely happy for over fifteen years.  But that is rare - he got lucky.  Am I lonely?  Of course, but you know what?  When you are with someone who is not right for you, that is even lonelier.  So no more pursuing women for me - I have better things to do with my time, such as preparing my shopping list: milk, eggs, C batteries, hand lotion, rope, lemons...


Governor Rudy?  Make That Senator Rudy
September 15, 2009

Rep. Peter King (R-NY) made a surprising announcement earlier this month that he will not run for Senate against Kirsten Gillibrand.  Gillibrand was virtually unknown outside of her Upstate New York district when Gov. Paterson appointed her to fill out the remainder of Hillary Clinton's term.  She has done nothing of note since taking office in January and will be easy to beat against a strong Republican candidate.  With King out of the race, here is how I see things playing out.  Paterson is such a disaster and so unpopular, he will be forced to abandon his plans to run, which clears the way for Andrew Cuomo, who will easily become the Democratic nominee for Governor.  Rudy Giuliani had expressed interest in a run for Governor, but he will not run against Cuomo, who would beat Giuliani in a general election.

After a disasterous run for President, Rudy needs to run for an office he knows he can win.  Against Paterson, Rudy would be a shoo-in.  Cuomo is a different story.  So that leaves the Senate seat open for Giuliani now that King is out of the picture.  Former Governor George Pataki has been mulling a Senate run, but he will likely not do it.  He and Rudy are friends, and the last thing the Republican party in New York needs is a contentious primary.
 
So with Cuomo the presumptive nominee for Governor, who will the Republicans nominate to run against him?  Former Rep. Rick Lazio has formally announced he is running.  I have enormous respect for Lazio.  He is a decent and exceptionally bright guy who would make a good Governor.  But he has zero chance of presenting a serious challenge to Andrew Cuomo.  Lazio is remembered for being clobbered by Hillary Clinton in the 2000 Senate race and for appearing ungentlemanly when he "invaded her space" in a debate and asked her to sign something.

Lazio has been working in the private sector and wants to get back into politics.  But running for Governor and losing big will tarnish his reputation and ruin any future chances of elective office.  With Cuomo likely running for Governor, Lazio should instead focus on running for Attorney General.  That is an office he would have a legitimate shot at.  I have met Lazio twice and he is an utterly charming, handsome, good guy.  That is why I will hate to see him spending time, energy, and money on a campaign that won't be successful.

Even though I am a Republican, I really like Andrew Cuomo and will likely vote for him in the general election.  He has probably been the most effective Attorney General we have ever had in New York.  And he has excellent genes - Mario Cuomo is a mensch and I am sure Andrew will bring the same leadership qualities to Albany that his father did.  As for Rudy, I will volunteer to work on his campaign and do anything possible to help him win.  He should be President, but I'll settle for Senator for now.  A Governor Cuomo and Senator Giuliani?  2010 might turn out to be a very good year.


Scenes from an Auction
Going Vunce...Going Tvice...Oh, No, I Can't Afjord That!
September 14, 2009

On September 28th, a number of belongings of the late Swedish filmmaker Ingmar Bergman will be going up for auction in Stockholm.  Among the 337 items up for sale will be his writing desk, Golden Globe Awards, and chess pieces used in The Seventh Seal (1957).

I have always found Bergman to be one of the most fascinating of filmmakers, but only recently have I begun to revisit, discover, and rediscover a number of his key films.  I think The Seventh Seal is visually stunning (the Dance of Death sequence is one of the most haunting images ever captured on film), but I just cannot stay with the film after the first twenty minutes.  I consider Autumn Sonata (1978) his greatest film.  An emotional exploration of a fragile mother-daughter relationship, the film boasts two extraordinary turns by Ingrid Bergman and Liv Ullmann, both of whom give what arguably might be their best performances.

Bergman has inspired many modern filmmakers and you can see how particularly influential he's been on Woody Allen's dramatic work (Autumn Sonata was obvious inspiration for Allen's September (1987); Another Woman (1988) was Woody's own version of Wild Strawberries (1957)).  Another Bergman favorite of mine is Scenes from a Marriage (1973).  Originally a five-hour miniseries for Swedish television, this is a searing portrait of two people (Erland Josephson and Liv Ullmann) whose intense love cannot keep their once happy marriage together.  Bergman followed Scenes with a sequel of sorts thirty years later called Saraband (2003), which was a good film but did not reach the greatness of the first one (it also took some extreme liberties with the chronological accuracy of the first film).

Bergman's films are "heavy," yes.  Words like difficult, somber, and depressing are not out of line.  But especially now when the artistic quality of movies is so low and show business is more about the "business" than the "show," it is important to remember artists like Bergman.  When I started NYU film school in the early 1990s, there were still a handful of revival houses left in the city where you could see an old Bergman film in a real theater with fellow film geeks.  Now there is only the Film Forum, which shows first-run art films in addition to revivals and retrospectives.  I recently cancelled my Netflix account (I was keeping the DVD's out for weeks without ever watching them), but if I ever go back, I need to watch Cries and Whispers (1972) and Fanny & Alexander (1983) again.  Credit the Criterion Collection for taking such great care in releasing Bergman's films on DVD, especially Scenes from a Marriage, which in addition to the U.S. theatrical release also contains all five episodes from the original miniseries.

Back to those chess pieces on auction from The Seventh Seal, I am reminded of something the late Gene Siskel, for whom I had such high regard, said years ago.  He was discussing movie props and posed an interesting question: what single movie prop would you want to own?  Siskel's choice was the monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) (Siskel had already bought John Travolta's white suit from Saturday Night Fever (1977) at an auction).  For me, it would be hard to narrow down one prop but a few come to mind - Dudley Moore's Rolls-Royce from Arthur (1981), an everlasting gobstopper from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971), the sled from Citizen Kane (1941), Dustin Hoffman's red sequined dressed from Tootsie (1982) (although I would never fit in it), and Gene Wilder's little blue blanket from The Producers (1968).

Click here for more info on the Bergman auction.


Say Fromage
September 13, 2009

As a card carrying foodie, one of my weaknesses has always been cheese. I refuse to eat a burger without cheese (or a slice of raw onion, for that matter). Similarly, a bowl of chili is incomplete without some shredded or cubed cheddar and diced onions. One of my favorite salads is Greek salad, which is really nothing more than an excuse to indulge in lots of salty feta. Cheese and crackers are the ubiquitous party staple and I always serve an assortment of cheeses whenever I entertain. Cheese is the ultimate comfort food - rich, fatty, and delicious. Without cheese or bread, I would probably be able to wear spandex.

I need to stress, however, that I am not a cheese snob. As much as I enjoy a good creamy brie or a veiny bleu cheese, I am perfectly content with a simple yellow Wisconsin cheddar. And those port wine cheese logs coated with nuts? Love it! And I hate how American cheese has become so maligned. I love the stuff, especially freshly sliced from the deli counter. But even the packaged slices are good. American cheese melts beautifully, so it is perfect for grilled cheeses, burgers, and sandwiches of all kinds. And while discussing cheeses that food snobs might consider pedestrian, how about Cheez Wiz? Everyone knows that a traditional Philly cheesesteak requires melted Cheez Wiz. And that stuff you spray out of the can onto Ritz crackers? You know it is fun and tasty. And now for my worst confession - I love Velveeta! Especially on a toasted English muffin with butter.

Below are some cheese ideas I hope you will enjoy. And for those lactose intolerant visitors to this site, I have three words: get over it! You people are worse than vegetarians. Go and live on an island with those people who are allergic to nuts.

Grilled Ham and Cheese on Rye

2 slices rye bread with seeds*
3 Slices Swiss or American cheese
3 Slices Boar's Head ham
1/4 cup diced onion
4 tbsp. butter

Here is a dolled up grilled cheese that Denis O'Shea turned me on to. Place 1 slice of cheese on bread, then top with ham slices, then add one more cheese slice. Add onions, then top with final cheese slice (this helps the cheese keep the onions in place). (Denis also puts fresh cracked black pepper on the sandwich - I leave this out). Cover sandwich with other slice of bread. In a non-stick skillet, melt 2 tbsp. of butter. Add sandwich and brown on medium heat, occasionally pressing down with spatula. Add remaining butter to pan and flip the sandwich. Continue cooking until cheese melts and sandwich is golden brown but not burnt.

*You can also use a good hearty multigrain bread - any of Pepperidge Farms' varieties work well.

Cheese Tray for Parties

1 hunk of bleu cheese
1 hunk of yellow cheddar
1 hunk of provolone

When I entertain, I like to serve at least three different cheeses. The best presentation is to put the cheeses on a large wooden cutting board. Cut several slices of cheese and fan out in front of rest of cheeses. Put cheese knives on or near the board so guests can continue to slice more cheese. Arrange good crackers (I like Carr's Table Water Crackers) on the board and, most importantly, cut up a whole baguette (get this early in the morning from a gourmet market like Citarella or Gourmet Garage) into slices and place nearby in a napkin lined bowl. Feel free to also serve some really flavorful Italian salami like a soppresata to go with the provolone. Fresh fruit such as grapes and strawberries help make for a beautiful presentation as well.

The cheeses above are simply recommendations. Use whatever you and your guests like. I am partial to cow's milk cheeses, but I also sometimes serve a tangy herbed goat cheese for a nice contrast. There is no wrong way to do this. Just be creative and have fun. Remember, if it's a good party, your guests are going to be drunk within a few hours of arriving anyway and will appreciate anything you put out.

Lokshen and Cheese

1 package of egg noodles
1 container of cottage cheese

Okay, here is a ridiculously simple Jewish peasant dish that my mother used to make quite often when I was a kid. Just boil egg noodles according to instructions, drain, and add cottage cheese. You will be shocked how hearty and satisfying this is.


Larry Gelbart: 1928 - 2009
September 12, 2009
 
Larry Gelbart died yesterday. The name might not be that familiar to you, but believe me, he provided you with more joy, laughter, and memories than any of the other notables whose deaths have been in the news lately. Gelbart was one of our great comedy writers, up their with Neil Simon, Mel Brooks, and Woody Allen. He was one of Sid Caesar's writers on Your Show of Shows and co-wrote one of my favorite films, Tootsie, as well as Oh, God! He wrote the book for one of the funniest Broadway musicals of all-time, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. Oh, and he wrote and produced the first four seasons of a little TV show called M*A*S*H. You heard of it?

Gelbart was an Emmy- and Tony-winner, as well as a two-time Oscar nominee. He succumbed to cancer. He was 81. He is survived by Pat, his wife of 53 years. Services will be private. The laughter he created will forever remain public.

 
2...4...9/11...72 Virgins Waiting in Heaven
September 11, 2009

As we mark the eighth anniversary of the horrific terror attacks on our soil, I hope our beloved new President remembers to stress to everyone that Islam is a peaceful religion.


The Ma'am of Clam
September 10, 2009

Sylvia Schur, a food editor who helped develop the recipe for Clamato, died yesterday at age 92.

I mentioned Clamato in my Bloody Mary article a few months ago and would like to expand on my love of this wonderful tomato and clam concoction.  I adore tomato juice, V8, and Clamato - they all have distinct tastes and long live the difference.  Clamato is probably the most savory of the three - I like a little Tabasco and celery salt in it, but even undoctored, it's perfectly delicious.  Used in place of tomato juice, it turns a Bloody Mary into a Bloody Caesar, which is supposedly the most popular cocktail in Canada.

There are some people who are totally repulsed by the idea of clam juice combined with tomato juice.  These are likely the same people whose idea of a seafood dinner is a tuna hero from Subway.  Clamato only contains a small amount of powdered clam broth, yet along with its other seasonings, the result is just delightful - salty, tangy, and refreshing.

A few years ago, the marketing geniuses at Mott's took the picture of a clam off its bottles of Clamato to play down the bivalve aspect.  The damn thing is called Clamato!  Come on!  Thankfully, the clam is now back on the label.

So in honor of Sylvia Schur, let's mix some Bloody Caesars and raise a glass to the mother of Clamato. 


You Can't Go Home Again
September 5, 2009

"I feel like Old Man River. I'm tired of living and I'm scared to die."
                                                      - Kenneth Nelson as Michael Connolly in The Boys in the Band

As I have written previously, I lost my job in February.  Despite going online everyday and sending out hundreds of resumes, I was unable to land one single interview. I had to give up my apartment last week and - gulp - move back with my parents, who live two hours from the city.

As much as I love my mother, this arrangement just won't work. You can't go from living in Manhattan for six years on your own at 36 years old to moving back to your old room. I do not get along with my father and had a huge fight with him within just a few hours of moving back. As much as I complain about the city, I know I could never live anywhere else. Just two days away from it and I miss it terribly.

None of my friends has offered to let me crash with them, even for just a night or two. I packed a knapsack with some clothes and came into the city yesterday with no game plan, hoping someone would offer to let me stay over. No dice. Even one person whose apartment I have been to several times and hung out with until 6:00 a.m. drinking would not invite me over. So my options were either walking the streets all night, sleeping in the waiting area of Penn Station or getting a hotel room. I did the latter, luckily getting a great last-minute deal at a really nice hotel on Wall Street.

Although I technically have my parents' house to live in, I really feel like I am homeless since I cannot be in Manhattan. I used to be very insensitive when it came to the homeless. I would never give them money or even acknowledge them, although I have in the past given them food. But I now know firsthand how quickly someone's life can turn upside down. A year ago, I had a good job that I thought I would be at for a long time. I had a beautiful apartment. And now I have nothing. I now look at the homeless differently. I feel they are my brothers and sisters.

I guess I should not be surprised that my friends have not opened their doors to me, even though they all know I am such a neat freak that I make Felix Unger look like a slob. Most of them I know from the bars and, as nice as they are, in the end they are bar people. They want to drink, laugh, and not be bothered with anyone's problems. There are a few notable exceptions, among them a great guy who has called me twice since I moved out of my apartment. We always carry on with each other and have a great comic rapport. I can make something up totally on the spot, he will go with it, and before you know it, we have a bit. He and his partner have a beautiful apartment in Brooklyn with a guest room and he did say to let him know if I need to stay over. That is a friend.

I have been at low points before, I've been depressed ("I've been through Reno...I've been through Beverly Hills..."), but I never have felt like I do now, mainly because there is no way my situation will change anytime soon. I cannot look for a job in Manhattan without having somewhere to live there. And the job situation here in the boonies is even worse than in the city.

In the meantime, I am totally lost and have no idea what I am going to do next. My Web site aside, I have writer's block that would rival Jack Nicholson in The Shining. I spend way too much time in bed, which is no fun alone. Instead of finishing any of my writing projects, I play computer Monopoly for hours each day (my strategy is to own all of the railroads and build houses and hotels on the cheap properties).

It is almost exactly eighteen years to the day that I started NYU film school. Back then, I was filled with optimism and convinced I would be a big director within a few years. If I knew then this is how it would turn out, I would have made the final cut then. Finis. Applause.


You've Got No Mail
September 3, 2009

Do not get me started on AOL. After more than seven years as a member, they permanently terminated my account because I violated their "terms of service" (i.e. I pissed people off in chat rooms). AOL sucks, Time Warner sucks even more. I lost lots of e-mail addresses and e-mails that I had saved over the years. What is this, Russia? We have to watch everything we say because some stuck-up bitch in Iowa doesn't have a sense of humor? As Truman Capote used to say, "vug 'em!"

For those of you who care, my new e-mail address is BrianScottNYC@gmail.com.  And remember, you can't spell asshole without AOL.   

 
Did Ya Miss Me?
August 22, 2009

I have not posted anything on here in quite a while. I appreciate the three people who regularly visit my site for saying they miss my commentary. So here is a summation of the last six weeks' events:

Sarah: Plain and Short
 
I'm sorry - yes, I am a Republican but I do not like this woman. If Sarah Palin is our best bet for 2012, we're in big trouble. You do not resign the governorship with eighteen months left to go unless there is something fishy - and I am not talking about Alaska sockeye. Whatever her reasons are, this was a big mistake. I think there is more to this that has yet to come to light. Either way, Sarah Palin is not now nor will she ever be the savior of the Republican party.


What, Colt 45 Ain't Good Enough for You? 
 
Ya know, I really used to like Bud Light, but I will no longer drink it now that I know it is the beer of choice of St. Barack. I will now drink regular Bud - that'll show him!


And the Nominees for Worst Picture Are... 
 
In an effort to boost ratings and further cheapen what used to be the most important award in the entertainment industry, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences announced that it will have ten Best Picture nominees at the 2010 ceremony, as opposed to five. So now ten lousy films can be nominated instead of just a handful. Even worse, the Academy will no longer present honorary awards on the actual Oscar telecast, instead handing them out at a special dinner in November, which I am not even sure will be televised. Jack Valenti must be turning over in his grave.


It's Raining, Men 
 
What the hell is with this weather in New York? It has been raining about four out of seven days for most of this year. And the heat? It was so hot in New York today that Bill Clinton slept with Hillary just for the chill!


Who Let This Dog Out? 
 
Anyone with a shred of moral decency should boycott the NFL for allowing that sorry excuse for a human being Michael Vick to play professional football again. The time he served was no more than a slap on the wrist. It is not acceptable to treat the lives of animals with less respect than humans. Indeed, I think this would be a better world if everyone was a puppy - messy, yes, but nicer.


Kilt Guilt 
 
This is a sick, unjust world and it is just getting sicker. A man responsible for the murders of 270 innocent people, mostly Americans, is released from prison so he can die at home. Kenny MacAskill, the Scottish Justice Minister, cited compassion as the reason for his release. Where is the compassion for those 270 innocent lives and all of the families whose lives are forever ruined? This was not some white collar criminal. With all respect to Sean Connery, I hope the Loch Ness monster swallows up that whole stinking country and belches bagpipes. Sickening.


How's He Doing?
 
Ed Koch finally was released from the hospital after a five-week stay for heart bypass and valve replacement surgery. He is 84 years old and seems to have made a totally successful recovery. Good for him. When I was younger, Koch was my political hero. In recent years, I have found him to be a disappointment as he has chosen to make nice with former enemies like David Dinkins and Al Sharpton, made it his mission to discredit Rudy Giuliani as a "nasty man," and then endorsed St. Barack for President. Still, he was a good mayor, a vibrant personality, and always fun to see and listen to. I bet he'll live to 100 and I wish him well.


O Boy! 
 
I am encouraged by the fact that people are starting to wake up and realize that St. Barack is not the second coming. I have personally spoken to at least a dozen die-hard Democrats or independents who lean left, and they all say they are disappointed in the President's performance. When you lose your base and the independents, you are in trouble. Why is it, though, that I saw all this coming when I voted in November? I did not have any special info, I just paid attention and refused to drink the Kool-Aid. Will people smarten up? I am optimistic about the 2010 midterm elections. But if Republicans want a serious shot at the White House in 2012 - and it is possible - they need to find a candidate who can appeal to a broad spectrum of voters and offer real change, not talk. So far, we have no one. If the Republicans lose in 2012, it is their own damn fault.


Gloria, Gloria, Hallelujah!
 
One of my oldest friends - in every sense - is a dear woman named Gloria, who recently celebrated her 80th birthday. Her family threw her a beautiful party at this wonderful restaurant downtown called Jane. It was a very special afternoon and a fitting tribute to a terrific lady I am proud to call my friend. Gloria and I hated each other at first. I was working part-time at NYU and she was a receptionist. She struck me as a mean, unpleasant woman; I struck her as a rude, snobbish brat. We slowly got to know each other, though, and after having way too much fun at the office holiday party, we bonded. Gloria and I used to sneak beers in brown paper bags into the conference room and drink them on our break. She used to have a small sign at reception with her name and the word "receptionist" underneath it, all in removeable letters. I used to rearrange the letters to spell things like "GRAPE PENIS." Eventually someone would point this out to her and she would yell for me to come over and put her name back properly. I have spent many New Year's Eves with Gloria at her Upper West Side apartment. She is full of life and love and just as gorgeous now at 80 as when I met her. Here's to 80 more years, Gloria! I love ya, woman!


Wasabi Hobby  
 
And finally, I recently got back into eating sushi regularly. I've always liked sushi, but it tends to be expensive and you usually need a lot of it to satisfy your appetite. Empire Szechuan on Seventh Avenue in the Village, though, has provided me with a solution and many delicious dinners in the last few months. For under $12.00, you have a choice of three sushi rolls (that is 18 pieces, certainly enough for dinner) and it comes with salad (although I finagle a soup out of them instead - try their egg drop). I am not adventurous when it comes to sushi - you can keep your eel and platypus, just give me a nice spicy tuna roll and California roll, both of which are exceptionally fresh and delicious here. I ask for extra wasabi too. Empire Szechuan is one of the very best Chinese restaurants in Manhattan and also one of the best places for fresh and affordable sushi.


Freak Show
July 9, 2009
 
I feel bad that Michael Jackson died, but enough already! While his talent was undeniable, we all know that the guy was a certifiable nutburger. I always had a feeling he would not live to be an old man considering all he did to his body over the years. And it now seems clear he had an addiction problem that even Elvis and Rush Limbaugh wouldn't have been able to keep up with.

The media coverage was justified for the first few days, but it has not stopped. With everything going on in the world, there are more newsworthy items than Jackson's death. I think the Jackson family should be ashamed of themselves for allowing a public memorial where people needed tickets. This wasn't a memorial, this was a circus! And, of course, what circus would be complete without those clowns Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson?

Speaking of clowns, how interesting that St. Barack felt compelled to speak about Jackson's death and write a letter to the family. Hmm, wonder why? Could it be - oh, I don't know - could it possibly be because Jackson was...black??? No, of course not. I am sure the the President's letters to Ryan O'Neal and the widows of Ed McMahon, Billy Mays, and Karl Malden are in the mail.


Bloody Good!
June 16, 2009

When it comes to the wonderful world of cocktails, there are very few I find objectionable. But if, let's say, I was stranded on an island and could only have a handful of adult beverages, top on that list would definitely be the Bloody Mary.

The origins of this delectable creation have been debated through the years, but the most accepted tale is that bartender Fernand Petiot invented it at Harry's New York Bar in Paris, France in 1920. Other stories claim that entertainer George Jessel came up with the drink and the name in the 1930s. Whoever is responsible, the cocktail remains, in many ways, the perfect drink - delicious, nutritious, and intoxicating.

Most every recipe you will find for the Bloody Mary differs to some extent. I am a traditionalist and prefer my Bloody Mary mixed as follows:

4 parts vodka
2 parts tomato juice or V8
Tabasco sauce
Worcestershire sauce
Horseradish
Celery salt
Black pepper
Squeeze of fresh lemon
Squeeze of fresh lime
Celery for garnish 
 
When I order a Bloody Mary from Billy down at Julius', he knows I like it spicy and salty, and, since they make each one to order there, he alters the flavor to my liking. It is absolutely delicious. Manatus in the West Village used to make a killer Bloody Mary but I guess Billy has spoiled me, because I had one there recently and found it very bland. I am also a fan of two Bloody Mary variations - the Bloody Bull, which uses beef broth in addition to or in place of the tomato juice, and the Bloody Caesar, which substitutes Clamato for the tomato juice. The Bloody Caesar is allegedly the most popular cocktail in Canada. 
 
Far and away the best Bloody Mary I have ever had, though, was in Philadelphia at a bar in Society Hill called the Artful Dodger. This bar is the largest consumer of Grand Marnier in the country and yes, they even add it to their Bloody Mary mix. But you really cannot taste the orange flavor. When I asked the bartender the secret to the Bloody Marys, he was intentionally aloof, projecting a very Clint Eastwood like demeanor. I observed he filled a pint glass with ice and then half filled it with vodka. He then added the master mix from a large jug, then topped it off with some Sacramento tomato juice. It was so good, I literally downed two of them in under ten minutes. If you ever get to Philly and want to try the best Bloody Mary you will ever have, stop into the Artful Dodger.

As for premixed supermarket brands, be cautious. Most are mediocre, with one glowing exception that is almost as good as anything you will get in a good bar or restaurant - Tabasco Bloody Mary Mix. There are two versions: regular and extra spicy with horseradish. I recommend you go for the latter with the green label as it has a potent horseradish kick, as well as a nice celery flavor. 
 
The downside to Bloody Marys on a health level is that they are very high in sodium. But if you won't tell my cardiologist, I promise not to tell yours. And considering how many hangovers they have helped nurse on a weekend morning, I would say the Bloody Mary is the only cocktail that can honestly be used for medicinal purposes. Cheers.


He Was a Friend of Mine
June 13, 2009
 
Three years ago today, my dear friend Billy Puzo died suddenly at the age of 61. He was a respected set designer whose work spanned film, television, and the stage.

A lifelong New Yorker, Billy started out working on such films as Lovers and Other Strangers and The Owl and the Pussycat. A cousin of author Mario Puzo, Billy worked behind the scenes on the first Godfather film and designed what was supposed to be the original poster for the movie - a stark black and white sketch of Marlon Brando as Don Corleone, holding a cigarette. Though Paramount Pictures opted to just use the simple marionette image from the cover of Mario Puzo's novel, Brando used Billy's sketch as inspiration for his physical appearance in the film. Shortly after I first met Billy, he gave me an autographed copy, which I immediately framed. It remains my favorite of all the posters on my wall.

Billy's best known film work includes Oliver Stone's Wall Street (1987), on which Billy served as Master Scenic Artist, and Rob Reiner's When Harry Met Sally... (1989), on which Billy was credited as the film's Scenic Artist. His television credits include Guiding Light, Spin City, Big Apple, and NYPD Blue.

I remember the first time I met Billy. It was at the bar that would eventually become my regular hangout, at least for as long as I knew Billy. It was February 2003. The movie Chicago was the talk of every town. I had started chatting with James, the bartender, about the film when Billy, on his way to the men's room, made a remark to me about it and the upcoming Academy Awards. On his way back to his seat a few minutes later, Billy talked to me some more and agreed with me about how talented Queen Latifah was, although we both predicted Catherine Zeta-Jones would win the Oscar. He then went back to his seat at the front of the bar.

James, knowing I was a writer, whispered to me that "that guy" was a cousin of Mario Puzo. I was naturally intrigued. "Do you think he would mind if I asked him about Mario?” I begged of James. "Oh, he won’t mind at all," James said. "Just be prepared to have your ear talked off." I went over and started talking to Billy – what followed was three and a half years of having my ear wonderfully talked off.

Billy was a great friend. He led a glamorous life working in film, television, and the theater. He was one of those rare people who, when he said he knew someone or had some story to tell, was being honest. Billy really did get to know Lucille Ball when he was a teen-ager hanging out by the stage door of Wildcat. Billy really did meet Judy Garland.

One of the greatest memories of Billy I have is when he took me to see a matinee of The Producers because his colleagues from Spin City, Richard Kind and Alan Ruck, were playing the leads. We went backstage before the show and left notes for each of them. After the play, we went backstage again and were treated like stars. We hung out for almost a half hour in what was Nathan Lane's former dressing room as Billy and them exchanged stories and caught up. There was so much love in the room. Billy was glowing and, even nicer, so were Richard and Alan. Here was George Clooney's best friend and the guy who will forever be engrained in film history as Cameron in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, thrilled to be seeing their old pal Billy and his young friend. We had them sign our Playbills – I loved how Billy asked them – "Can I bother you for a good old-fashioned autograph?" he said in an almost southern accent (a few months later, Billy and I would see his former NYPD Blue colleague Gordon Clapp in Glengarry Glen Ross and I would use the same line when asking Gordon for his autograph). Anyway, Billy exchanged big bear hugs with Richard and Alan before we left. It was an amazing thrill. I never saw Billy happier.

In the cab downtown on the way to our usual hangout, we were like giddy schoolgirls. We talked about that day often up until he died. I will never forget Billy's generosity in including me in such a thrilling moment.

I was lucky in the last few months of Billy's life to spend a lot of time with him. Part of the reason we got along so well – and I realized this even more after reading a journal he left behind – is that we were very similar. We both were artists, we both loved and worshipped our mothers, we both enjoyed a good time, and we both placed a high value on friendship and loathed phoniness.

Billy was always very supportive of my artistic endeavors. He particularly liked my theater reviews and often introduced me to people as "Brian Scott Mednick, the drama critic." He told me he was impressed that I would mention every aspect of a production in my reviews, especially the set design and lighting. "That's what a good drama critic does, Brian!" he told me, finger waving.

Billy was loved by his many friends and neighbors. He walked around his Kips Bay neighborhood carrying dog treats in his pockets, which he always gave to neighborhood dogs he knew.

I have so many wonderful memories of Billy - the vacations we took, the long lunches we had, the Broadway shows we saw, the cucumber salad he would eat at the bar, the delicious turkey sausage and peppers he brought to my new apartment, the Judy Garland stories, acting silly and dancing after too many drinks. I still miss him terribly and get angry that he's gone, but I feel lucky to have known him and been able to call him a friend. 


Why Reagan Matters
June 5, 2009  

"When we deprive people of what they've earned or take away their jobs, we destroy their dignity and undermine their families." 
                                                                                                                     - Ronald Reagan

Four years ago today, we lost the man who I and many Americans consider the greatest modern U.S. President, Ronald Reagan.

Reagan came to power at a time when America was at a lowpoint. Jimmy Carter was the most disasterous President in decades. Reagan restored America's sense of pride, stimulated the economy, and knew how to deal with our enemies abroad. He spoke about Russia in plain terms. Unlike our current President, he knew it was better for other countries to fear us rather than like us. Yeah, Obama really showed North Korea how tough he is ("Don't test anymore nuclear weapons or I'll turn this car around!").

I was watching some "best of" clips of Reagan on YouTube not long ago and, no joke, I actually felt good afterwards. Reagan was able to inspire people. But beyond his likeable demeanor and humor, there was genuine substance. It was easy for his detractors to portray him as elderly, dottering, and not intellectually curious. But Reagan was, as is evident now, a man of great intellect and indeed a man of letters.

Obama has been criticized by many, myself included, for being a celebrity. "Well, Reagan was a celebrity too!" Obama's supporters say. True. Reagan was indeed a celebrity - but the difference is he earned his celebrity over many years, first as a bonda fide movie star who became politically active, rising to the ranks of Screen Actors Guild president, then becoming a vocal supporter of conservative candidates and causes before being elected to two terms as Governor of California. By the time he was elected, Reagan had already ran for President twice before and literally had decades of experience behind him and a record, unlike overnight sensation Obama.

Was Reagan perfect? Of course not. He made mistakes. He should have taken the emerging AIDS crisis more seriously and spoken out about it. I do not think Reagan had any malice towards homosexuals. I think he was just uninformed and, in this one area, out of touch. Then there was Iran-Contra. But still, Reagan managed to rise above his failings. He was an innate leader. He loved his country, loved his job, and, above all, loved his dear wife Nancy, one of the most dignified First Ladies we have ever had. Their marriage was a partnership built on love, not a business arrangement like the Clintons.

I praise President Obama for having Mrs. Reagan to the White House for a proclamation signing to celebrate Reagan's 100th birthday in 2011 with a special event. It was a purely symbolic gesture, but in this case, a worthwhile one.

On this anniversary of Reagan's passing, let's enjoy some jellybeans and remember all he did for us. I doubt we will see his likes again anytime soon. 


Won't You Please Be My Friend, Mohammad?
June 4, 2009

Ain't it nice how St. Barack is trying to make nice with the Muslims, the same people who want to destroy us? Liberals want to "understand" their enemies and win them over, even at the risk of undermining our country's security. Did Ronald Reagan try to "understand" the Russians? No - he called them evil, which they were, and stood firm and resolute - and America won the Cold War. (More on Reagan tomorrow.)

The war against terrorism is one against Muslim extremists. It was Muslims who pulled off 9/11. It is Muslims who still make it their goal to destroy the West. To deny this or sugarcoat it by saying Islam is a peaceful religion is insane.

The guys at my corner deli are Muslims from Egypt and are very nice whenever I stop in to get a sandwich or soda (one even comments if I do not buy my usual V8). But these guys are the exception, not the rule. Mosques throughout this country are known gathering spots for Muslims who hate us, right here on our own soil.

Let's be clear who our enemies are and, as the Mafia expression goes, "whack them before they whack us."


He's Just a Broadway Baby... 
June 1, 2009
 
As the economy continues to tank, unemployment is at a near record high, and North Korea is playing with nuclear weapons as if they were Tinker Toys, the Obamas think nothing of hopping a flight to New York City, having martinis and dinner, catching a Broadway show, and then flying back in time for bed at the White House. All on our dime. Hmm...sounds a bit out of touch, wouldn't you say? Elitist, perhaps?

Many New Yorkers cannot even afford to plop down $100 for a Broadway show, yet the President goes and we pay for it. He said he was making good on a promise to his wife to take her to Broadway after the election was over. Nice to know he is true to his word when it comes to Michelle.

And the play he saw? Joe Turner's Come and Gone, a drama about the struggles of black Americans in the years after the end of slavery (what, ya think he was going to schlep to New York to see Fiddler on the Roof?).

I have a suggestion for the President next time he wants to see a Broadway show - wait for a revival of Neil Simon's Promises, Promises.

 
The Worst Part About Being an Alcoholic...
May 24, 2009
 
Eventually, the booze stops working.
 
 
It's Still Always Something
May 20, 2009

It's hard to believe it, but twenty years ago today, we lost the wonderful Gilda Radner. Gilda was just 42 years old when she died in her sleep at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles following a brutal two-and-a-half-year battle with ovarian cancer.

On Wednesday, May 17, 1989, Gilda checked into Cedars-Sinai to have a CAT scan performed but, according to Gene Wilder, "the people there couldn't keep her on the gurney. She was raving like a crazed woman – she knew they would give her morphine and she was afraid she’d never regain consciousness." Gilda was sedated and remained unconscious for three days. Gene was by her side the entire time until a doctor finally told him to go home and get some sleep. At 4:00 a.m. on Saturday, May 20th, there was a knock on Gene’s door. It was an old friend, a surgeon, who told him, "Come on. It’s time to go." When Gene arrived at the hospital, a night nurse had washed
Gilda and removed all of her tubes. "She looked like an angel," Gene recalled. "So peaceful. She was still alive, and as she lay there, I kissed her." Gilda’s breathing had become irregular. Two hours after Gene arrived, Gilda died in her sleep at 6:20 a.m. She was six weeks shy of her 43rd birthday. "While she was conscious," Gene said, "I never said good-bye."

News of Gilda's death came as a shock to the entertainment community and indeed the world, as many had believed Gilda really was doing well. That Saturday that she died, Steve Martin was hosting Saturday Night Live. Martin, who had worked with Gilda numerous times on the show, as well as in the 1985 movie Movers and Shakers, paid tribute to Gilda and showed the classic "Dancing in the Dark" sketch they had done in 1978.

Gilda was laid to rest on May 24, 1989 near her Connecticut home at Long Ridge Union Cemetery, the same cemetery where jazz great Benny Goodman and boxer Gene Tunney are buried. "It was a beautiful ceremony, small," said Gene and Gilda's Stamford neighbor Howard Orlo. "It was pouring and thundering," continued Howard’s wife Elaine. "I remember they had a tent, it was outside and the rain [was] just dripping down and [it was thundering]...I think Gene or one of her friends said, 'There's Gilda. She's here. She's listening. She’s taking it in.'"

I was 16 years old when Gilda died and I remember how sad I was when I heard the news. She was one of the all-time great funny ladies, up there with Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, and Joan Rivers. She left behind a legacy of laughter that will never be forgotten, as well as Gilda's Club, the free-of-charge support community for people with cancer and their friends and families that started with one location in New York City and has since branched out throughout North America and Europe, not unlike the Ronald McDonald Houses.  Additionally, her book about her cancer fight, It's Always Something, remains an inspiration for cancer patients.

Below is a poem I wrote about Gilda shortly after she died. It's kinda corny but hey, I was still in my teens when I wrote it:

From the title of a movie, Gilda was given her name
It suited her perfectly and brought her much fame

She found stardom in front of TV's bright lights
Shouting "Live from New York" on Saturday nights

She quickly became late night's top banana
With characters like Baba Wawa and Roseanne Roseannadanna

Roseanne was crude, I'll admit that, yes
With a brillo pad for hair, she really was a mess

Roseanne would discuss any topic that arose
From finding a hair in her soup or up Bo Derek's nose

But then love helped conquer all
When in love with Gene Wilder she did fall

They lived a life with seemingly few ruts
As they struggled to find out who was more nuts

But then something very unfunny happened to this actress-writer-singer-dancer
She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer

She never gave up, she put up a fight
But in the end, wrong overcame right

And now she's gone

I still see her on TV and think of writing her a note
Then I realize it can't be and it brings a lump to my throat

I then laugh after my cry
Good night, Roseanne Roseannadanna
Good night and good-bye


Thumbs Up for Death
May 10, 2009

I admit it - I am scared of dying. I think anyone who says they are not is a damn liar. Death, of course, has been one of the most written about topics since man first put pen to paper, but I just read one of the most beautifully written and profound pieces about the subject by Roger Ebert, of all people.

At first reading, it may seem like this is Roger's farewell, but it is not. Ebert has been through a hell of a lot in recent years but he has gotten through it with the kind of dignity that we should all hope to aspire to. Ebert has always been one of my favorite writers - even when you disagree with him, you can still appreciate the thoughtfulness that went into his opinion. And having discovered that Ebert is an atheist ups my admiration for him even further (and yes, I can admire someone who is a total bleeding heart liberal, as Ebert is, because there is more to a man than just his politics).

Please click here to read Roger Ebert's wonderfully insightful piece on death.  

 
Dom DeLuise: 1933 - 2009
May 9, 2009
 
I hate having to keep writing these tributes to celebrities who have recently died. In the last two weeks, we lost Bea Arthur, Danny Gans, Jack Kemp, and now, what is for me the biggest loss this year and in many years, Dom DeLuise, who died in his sleep on May 4th at the age of 75 following a year-long battle with cancer.
 
Dom DeLuise was not only a brilliant actor and comedian, he was one of the most decent and genuinely nice people in show business. Everyone loved this guy. He could have made Eichmann laugh (and could have cooked a dinner for Mussolini that would have ended World War II!). I was lucky enough to meet him after seeing him in concert at Westbury Music Fair in 1986. He put on what I still consider to be one of the funniest live shows I have ever seen and, afterwards, as he walked backstage, I shouted out to him. I was thirteen and, I must say, quite adorable. He grabbed my camera and had someone take a photo of us. I mailed it to him and he returned it autographed, along with an autographed 8x10 - both signed elaborately with hearts and red and black ink. He loved people, he loved fans, he loved food and cooking, and he loved making people laugh.

Some of the funniest moments in film were courtesy of Dom DeLuise - the work he did with Mel Brooks and Gene Wilder alone, as well as his tour de force performance in Anne Bancroft's Fatso. I could easily name close to a dozen great films he was in - and, in fact, I will: Blazing Saddles, The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother, Silent Movie, The World's Greatest Lover, The End, The Muppet Movie, Fatso, History of the World Part I, Johnny Dangerously, Haunted Honeymoon. He never got the credit as an actor he should have. He was a terrific talent and an even better person. He leaves behind his wife of 43 years, the actress Carol Arthur, and three sons, all of whom are actors, not to mention many sad friends, colleagues, and fans. We have lost a lot of great entertainers this year, but for me, this one hurts the most.


Good-bye, Pussycat - Bea Arthur: 1922 - 2009
April 27, 2009
 
What sad news about the passing of the great Bea Arthur. 86 years is a great run for anyone, but when someone so special dies, it just does not seem like enough time.

I can think of few actresses who had as significant an impact on television comedy as Bea Arthur. Maude was a groundbreaking classic. The first season was released on DVD two years ago and it was a pleasure to rediscover the show. But for me and most others, she will forever be Dorothy Zbornak, the anchor who held The Golden Girls together. Arthur, Betty White, Rue McClanahan, and Estelle Getty were one of the best ensembles ever on a sitcom. The show is as funny today as when it first aired. I still quote lines with friends and, on more than one occasion, have playfully threatened my mother with, "Shady Pines, ma! Shady Pines!" 
 
I saw Arthur on Broadway back in 2002 when she did her one-woman show. She was 79 then but looked and performed like a much younger woman. She was spectacular, funny, warm, and belted out some great tunes. It was one of those evenings in the theater you feel grateful to have witnessed.

This may sound overly dramatic, but I hate the idea of living in a world where only half of The Golden Girls are alive. As a quartet, they brought so much laughter to so many people. As a solo act, Bea Arthur was a powerhouse of talent (who else could have put Archie Bunker in his place?). This is a real loss. I wish I had a cheesecake around to drown my sorrow. Rest in peace, pussycat.

Click here to watch a priceless clip of Bea Arthur and Rock Hudson singing about drugs from a 1980 TV special.


Brother, Can You Spare $430?
April 20, 2009
 
Yesterday's New York Times had an interesting piece about how New York State, with its increasingly high cost of living, pays less unemployment benefits than other states. For years, the maximum one could receive on unemployment in New York was $405. Thanks to the stimulus plan, that amount is now $430 a month. Compare this to $544 in Boston, Pittsburgh, Seattle, and Trenton, and obviously you can see something is not right here.

With the average studio apartment around $2,000 in Manhattan, a weekly MetroCard $25, and the cost of food, utilities, laundry, medicine, and an occasional cocktail, there is no way anyone could live on this money. I am paying my rent with what is left of my savings, not my $430 a week. And if I do not get a job in the next few months, I will have to give up my apartment and move back with my parents. Not a situation I thought I would find myself in at 36 years old.

Gov. Paterson increased welfare benefits, yet unemployment remains at the same rate it has been at since 1998. According to The Times, "Legislation is pending in Albany that would raise New York’s benefits gradually over the next few years to $625 a week. The measure, which has the support of organized labor but is opposed by business groups, has not moved out of committees in the Assembly or the Senate, said a spokesman for Susan V. John, an assemblywoman from Rochester who leads the Labor Committee."

I thought I was set in the job I had been at since February 2006. I worked for this business publication doing online production. I transformed the position into something totally different than what it had been before, and my hard work was recognized and rewarded. I liked everyone in the company, had excellent personal and professional relationships, and was convinced I would be there a very long time. "It's nice to come to work and not have a stomach ache the night before," I had told my bosses on more than one occasion - and I meant it.  But last year the company cried poverty, closed the New York office, and moved out of state.  I wouldn't go with them, hence my current situation.

Anyway, enough of this depressing unemployment talk. I must learn to embrace my early retirement. And I shall start right now by having some leftover Chinese food for breakfast. Why? Because I have no leftover pizza.


Thank God I'm an Atheist
April 10, 2009
 
A few days ago I was approached on Second Avenue by a Hasidic Jew with a long beard and black coat. He was handing out some literature and asked if I was Jewish. "Yes," I said, "but I'm an atheist." He said that was okay - I could still do a mitzvah in their "mitzvah mobile." I told him I do mitzvahs on my own, I do not need to do it in a van (I won't do it with a goat, I won't do it in a boat!). A mitzvah, for you goyim out there, means a good deed. He then handed me his literature, shook my hand, and said God bless you.

The literature was about the late Rabbi Menachem Schneerson, whose 107th birthday it would have been. He was a nut and his followers believe he is the Jewish Messiah. I quickly tossed the paper into the trash.
 
I am Jewish and am proud to be. But I am also an atheist. Unlike other religions, being Jewish has a culture that can indeed be separated from the religious aspect of it, just as you could be an Irish Catholic who is an atheist yet still proud of your Irish culture. For me, being Jewish is not about going to temple or celebrating Passover. It's about corned beef on rye, Jackie Mason, Fiddler on the Roof (with Zero, of course), and Mel Brooks films. And now more than ever, it means being a staunch supporter of Israel. But God? Puh-leeze! I am still amazed when I find out someone I respect and consider intelligent says they believe in God. How can any reasonable person actually believe in God or religion or any of these fairy tales?

I do not know how the universe was created - if I did, you think I would be blogging on this farkakteh Web site? But I will always adhere to science, not religion.

Religion has been and continues to be responsible for more hate, division, and problems than anything else in the world. How can you explain the religious person who says about the death of a child, "He was just too good for this world. God needed him." If I had a child die and someone said that to me, I would knock their lights out.

I have zero tolerance for religion or religious people because they have zero respect for non-believers. 92% of Americans claim to believe in God. That is mind-boggling. Religion is a manmade concept that came about because man fears death. In a way, I admire people who are deeply religious because they can escape into their fantasy world of angels and saints. Me, I have vodka.

I find any public display of prayer objectionable, even if it is not specific to any particular religion, because the very concept of prayer is offensive to atheists. We have God written on our money, mentioned in the Pledge of Allegiance, and shoved down our throats everywhere. We may only be 8% in this country, but we pay taxes too.

As a Republican, the major gripe I have always had with my party is that it considers itself the party of religion. There are many mainstream Republicans, though, that are not religious zealots, most notably my favorite guy, Rudy Giuliani, who tried to make himself seem more religious than he really is when he ran for President (it's okay, Rudy - deep down, I know you are more like me than you will ever admit!).

I was in an elevator once and this lady said to me as she exited, "God bless you." I did not know this lady and had not spoken with her in the elevator. "There is no God, lady!" I shouted, much to her dismay. Wanna bet she prayed for me?


Netan-yahoo!
April 3, 2009

Benjamin Netanyahu was sworn in this week as Prime Minister of Israel. I have enormous respect for Netanyahu. He is incredibly bright, articulate, and tough. He is a hardliner who has no tolerance for those who look upon Israel as the agressor when it defends itself in the face of Palestinian terrorism.

At a time when the United States seems poised to break with its past unqualified support of Israel, Netanyahu will stand up for what is right for his country and his people. I wish him well as he returns to the job he had back in the 1990s. He is the right man at the right time. I only wish the United States had a leader of such character and strength.


Yay! My Dinner with Andre Finally Coming Out on Criterion DVD!
March 26, 2009

This has been a long time coming. My Dinner with Andre has been out of print for some time. It is finally getting the ultimate Criterion Collection treatment and will be released on June 23rd for $39.95 (discounted to just $29.99 on Amazon!). Finally some good news in these troubling times.

The film is, of course, a landmark of independent cinema. It is understandable why it is hard to watch for many, but like many fine foods, this film is an acquired taste. I saw it for the first time when I was in my early teens and hated it. After the second viewing, I was rather captivated by it. I probably have seen the film about twenty times now. Like caviar, pate, and martinis, it is not for all tastes, but is treasured by those who can enjoy it. Andre's vivid storytelling also makes this one of the great films to listen to as you fall asleep.

I may have a My Dinner with Andre party at my apartment when it comes out. I am sure I can find a few fellow film geeks like me who have no life and who would be up for it. E-mail me if you want to come. I will serve potato soup (okay, potato chips, but still...), fish pate (probably chopped liver, but hey...), and, of course, quail (buffalo wings with bleu cheese dip). And Perrier in honor of Wally (okay, vodka tonics) and white wine spritzers in honor of Andre (okay, tequila shots). 

 
Natasha Richardson: 1963 - 2009
March 20, 2009
 
I am just sickened by the tragic death of Natasha Richardson. What a sudden, freak, and sad accident. Here was a beautiful, talented woman who had it all - a successful career, wonderful husband, and two handsome sons. And it was all taken away so quickly. I cannot begin to imagine what her family is going through, especially Liam Neeson. For obvious reasons, I am not a fan of Vanessa Redgrave, but no mother should see her child die before her. My condolences extend to Ms. Redgrave as well. Is there any lesson from this? I guess always wear a helmet if you are skiing. I have never been skiing and really do not have any desire to try it. I would much prefer to be in the lodge having cocktails by the fireplace. Life is unpredictable - any of us can be stricken by a heart attack or stroke or hit by a car. You just never know. So have that extra glass of wine, have that piece of cake, buy that expensive outfit.
 
We lost another great performer this week, Ron Silver, who died after a two-year battle with cancer at age 62. Silver was a truly skilled actor - his performance as Alan Dershowitz in Reversal of Fortune was stunning in its accuracy. He also was a passionate activist who left the Democratic party following 9/11 and paid a price for it, being blackballed by many of the Hollywood elite who shunned Silver for his newfound conversative principles. And the Democrats are supposed to be the party of inclusion, right? Silver's acting talent was matched only by his fierce adherence to what he believed in. He was a good American and will be missed.
 
 
Obamanation!
March 10, 2009

Ya know, I really truly wanted to give President Obama a chance. Sure, deep down I thought he would be a failure, but I did not expect him to prove me right so quickly. He has actually said he wants to negotiate with "moderate" members of the Taliban. Hello??? Moderate members? Could you imagine FDR saying during World War II that he wanted to negotiate with moderate Nazis?

This is absolutely insane. George W. Bush was a bad President, to be sure, but facts are facts, and after 9/11, we were not attacked again under his watch. Bush refused to negotiate or talk with terrorists - period, end of story.

Obama wants to make nice with our enemies. He even acknowledged that closing down Gitmo could be a security risk to the U.S. This guy's job is to protect us, but he seems more concerned with winning over those who hate us. His lack of foreign policy savvy is stupefying. The United States is a more dangerous place with him as President and, I hate to say this, it might take another attack on U.S. soil for the Kool-Aid drinkers who elected him to see that. And the next attack will likely be far more catastrophic than 9/11.

What a sorry state this country is in with Obama as President - and we still have at least four years of this coming. This guy is Jimmy Carter without the nuts.


This Economy, I Tell Ya...
March 9, 2009

Things are tough. I was in Times Square and saw a hooker giving out coupons. This guy comes up to her and says he's into watersports. The hooker says, "Okay, but no rainchecks."


The Enjoyment of Unemployment 
March 4, 2009
 
"I don't believe in hell. I believe in unemployment but I don't believe in hell."
                                                                             - Dustin Hoffman as Michael Dorsey in Tootsie

On February 12th, I joined the millions of Americans who are out of work. Shocking as it may sound, I do not make any money from this Web site, so alas, like many artists, I have to have a day job. I had been at this particular job for four months - four long miserable months. I really despised the job. My direct boss was nice but this was the kind of place where one crazy bitch runs the whole operation and everyone is scared of her. This created a very unhealthy, unpleasant atmosphere. I had seen this layoff coming but was still a little surprised. I am actively seeking a new job but there is little out there.  I was out of work for a year and a half after 9/11 - this job market is even worse.

Of course, many think St. Obama will solve all of this. While I think the stimulus plan is a joke, it does have a few points of merit, specifically raising unemployment benefits by $25.00 a week and paying for 65% of COBRA health insurance benefits. So yes, I like the parts of the stimulus plan that will benefit me. In the meantime, I am going online everyday looking for work and trying to enjoy the days off.

A few other random thoughts: 
 
The Academy Awards

I thought this year's ceremony was one of the most boring in recent memory. Hugh Jackman tried hard and had some clever moments, but even he could not save this disasterous show. Having five previous acting winners present the four acting awards probably sounded like a good idea, but it was poorly executed. The awards themselves are a joke - what the hell did Penelope Cruz do in that dreadful Woody Allen movie to deserve a nomination, much less an Oscar? And don't even get me started on that jerk Sean Penn. The only reason I was intersted in this year's show was because the Academy finally gave an honorary award to Jerry Lewis. Lewis, who was never nominated for an Oscar (not even for his brilliant supporting performance in The King of Comedy), has long been one of my heroes and I have said for years he deserved the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award for all he has done for muscular dystrophy. But the presentation was very disappointing. The clips montage was way too short. Eddie Murphy's speech should have been longer and more nuanced. Thankfully the audience gave Lewis a rousing standing ovation. Sadly, Lewis himself looked quite unwell. He has been through a lot in recent years and is going to be 83 soon, but still, he looked like he was having trouble breathing and did not make any jokes or do any of his familiar schtick. It was still nice, though, to see a true legend and great guy get the highest honor in his industry. I just wish the Academy wouldn't wait to give special Oscars to people when they are old and in poor health. 

 
The New York Post

The cartoon controversy was such a farce! There was nothing racist about it but bozos like Al Sharpton and his ilk no longer have George W. Bush to protest, so they need a target and found one in the Post. I think people should start subscribing to the paper as a show of support. On a downside, however, the Post just canned the legendary Liz Smith after 33 years with the paper. I know times are tough, but to get rid of Liz Smith's column? What's next? Cindy Adams? Scrabble? Soduku?

 
La Petite Auberge and Mario Cuomo

I have a new favorite restaurant - check out my review under the Food and Drink tab. Best of all, who should walk into the restaurant while I was having a drink at the bar with my friend Denis? Mario Cuomo! I interviewed Gov. Cuomo in 2004 and he was one of the nicest, most down to earth people I have ever met. I reminded him of our interview about campaign finance reform. "Whatever I said, I must have been wrong," he humbly said with a laugh. I introduced him to Denis and he then asked what I was up to these days. I told him I was recently laid off. He shook his head and said his law firm just let fifty people go (so much for asking him for a job!). Anyway, he was a total gentleman and it was a great thrill to meet him once again. Mario Cuomo was one of those rarities in politics - an intellect, a thinker, a man of integrity, and a leader. It is a shame he never ran for the White House - I truly believe we are a poorer country for not having had him as President. Thankfully, his son Andrew is doing a splendid job as Attorney General of New York and I have a feeling will follow in his father's footsteps as Governor one day.


Wendy Richard: 1943 - 2009
 
I was saddened to hear that the British actress Wendy Richard died on February 26th after a battle with breast cancer. Richard was only 65 years old and best known as the strongwilled matriach Pauline Fowler on the British drama EastEnders (one of the best shows ever on TV). She was also a regular on the '70s Britcom Are You Being Served? She was a wonderful actress and will be missed.

 
Mr. Showmanship
February 4, 2009

22 years ago today, the world lost one of the all-time great entertainers, Liberace. I remember it vividly, for it was one day before my 14th birthday. Liberace was truly unique. A gifted pianist whose musical talents were often overlooked because of his flashy style, he was a gentle, kind yet troubled man who knew how to give an audience their money's worth. I was fortunate enough to see him at Radio City Music Hall in 1985. Although only 12 years old, I was a fan (yes, I was a strange kid). My mother knew how badly I wanted to see him, so when she read that our local library was having an outing there, she signed us up. My mother and I were both the youngest people from the library!

Liberace put on a spectacular three-hour show. The costumes, the cars, the candelabra, the dancing waters - it was all there. At the end of the show, I finagled my way to the front of the stage and got to shake his hand as he closed with his theme song, "I'll Be Seeing You."

If you go to Vegas, you must stop in at least once to the Liberace Museum, a loving tribute to the man, the music, and yes, the costumes, cars, and jewelry, all of which are gloriously on display.

While he loved nothing more than pleasing his audience, Liberace's personal life was not always so happy. A victim of his time, he fiercely denied being gay, even going so far as to sue a London tabloid who made such a claim in the 1950s - and yes, Liberace won the lawsuit. So flamboyant was Liberace, it seemed amazing that he would deny being gay. Either way, his audiences, largely elderly women, never cared. In the 1980s, he was a guest on Phil Donahue's daytime program. When a lady in the audience asked if there was anyone special in his life, he immediately replied, "Yeah, everybody."

Liberace was only 67 when he died from AIDS, a disease he denied having. His publicists insisted Liberace died from heart disease, anemia, and emphysema. When he showed dramatic weight loss in the months before his death, he claimed it was due to a watermelon diet.

Liberace worked hard to create a persona that brought him huge success. At the end, he feared having it revealed that he was gay and had AIDS would erase that. It, of course, did not. His fans mourned his loss. Younger fans like me still miss the grace, humor, and gentle spirit that was Liberace. No one deserved the nickname Mr. Showmanship more than him.

I thought it appropriate to end this article with the closing lyrics of Liberace's signature song:

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely, summer's day
And everything that's bright and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you.


Vegas Steaks 
January 28, 2009

Just got back from Vegas and am happy to report I did not lose my shirt – my pants, that’s another story, but hey, what happens there, stays there.  I stayed at Treasure Island, which is probably my favorite casino in Vegas.  Compared to some others, TI’s casino is rather easy to maneuver about it in.  The Breeze Bar is one of the nicest places on the Strip to have an adult liquid refresher while observing the casino action.  They also make a killer pina colada, complete with a fresh pineapple slice.

TI renovated their rooms recently. I stayed in a Tower Suite, which was nice and spacious (the king size bed was especially comfortable), but nothing looked particularly fresh or new, most notably the 1960s era orange couch. The room was also strangely dark – even with every light in the room turned on, the room was very dim. There was a mini fridge but no mini-bar, which was disappointing. The room boasted two bathrooms, one with a standing shower, the other with a very relaxing soaking tub with jacuzzi, although the jacuzzi made a lot of noise. The room service menu was surprisingly slim compared to other room service options I have had on the Strip, yet the 2:00 a.m. turkey club sandwich was quite delicious, served with a creamy homemade potato salad. I guess I was spoiled by my last stay back in August at the Wynn, which was probably the most luxurious hotel room I have ever stayed in (the bathroom was as big as my apartment!).

The standout of my stay, however, was The Steak House, easily my new favorite restaurant in Vegas. Conveniently located off the casino floor at TI, this place gets everything right. The décor is warm and wood paneled, as a classic steakhouse should be, and the service is among the best I have ever received anywhere. As a lone diner, I chose to eat at the bar, and Rick and Al, the two superb bartenders cum waiters, were so friendly, funny, and genuine, they made me feel like I had been coming there for years.

The Steak House offers a respectable wine list with several good choices by the glass. Their Parkerhouse Loaded Potato Rolls can be a meal in itself, especially with the sinfully rich sour cream chive butter that accompanies it. The menu includes a number of tempting steak choices, from a dry-aged 20 oz. t-bone to a 16 oz. prime New York strip. I had surf and turf for my entrée, though, and all I can say is wow! Beautifully plated, the 6 oz. lobster tail was tender and buttery, the 8 oz. filet juicy and cooked to medium rare perfection. For an additional $2.00, I got a side of béarnaise sauce, which was just the right complement to such a well prepared piece of steak (I must admit, though, I could not resist putting some of that chive butter on the steak as well!).

The Steak House is not inexpensive, but for a restaurant of this quality on the Strip, it’s actually quite a value. It may not boast a celebrity chef or be as famous as some of the chain steakhouses in Vegas, but for service and quality, it cannot be beat. It was so good, in fact, that I went back for dinner the following night. Al and Rick again took good care of me. I started with a dry Bombay Sapphire martini (with bleu cheese stuffed olives no less!), segued into a shrimp cocktail appetizer with five huge shrimp and a tangy cocktail sauce, and then had two lobster tails for my main course. For a side dish, you must try their wonderfully savory sautéed mushrooms. It simply does not get any better than this.

You might think a place like this was being run by someone with decades of restaurant experience, but overseeing the whole operation is general manager Kyle Easley, a fresh-faced young man who smartly knows how to balance front of house management with a smoothly run and efficient kitchen. This guy has a big future in the Vegas restaurant scene.

Next time I hit Vegas, I know I will stop into The Steak House again. I highly recommend you do the same.

On a less pleasant note, I must report on what I will easily call the worst hotel on the Strip, the relatively new Planet Hollywood. For a hotel whose theme is supposed to be young, hip, and Hollywood, the casino was dull to the point of anemic. Worst of all, I have never encountered such rude and despondent dealers – even their nametags are small and dark, making it hard to see their names. One exception was a very nice older gentleman who dealt blackjack – he deserves to be working at a better casino.

I was amazed when I played roulette. I was the only one at the table and the dealer totally ignored me the whole time, instead having an inane conversation about Ozzie & Harriet with the pit boss (you can’t make this stuff up). I decided to leave the table after about ten minutes while I was up $50.00. I colored out and said thank you. Nothing. I said thank you again – the guy did not say a word. Now typically this sort of thing would lead me into a big fight (in New York, I have punched guys for less), but I did not want to ruin my rep in Vegas, so I just proceeded to the cage. The cashier was nice and I told her about this rude dealer. She felt terrible and apologized.

One of the reasons I came to Planet Hollywood was to have lunch at P.F. Chang’s, a Chinese restaurant chain whose menu appealed to me. But I was so disgusted with the place, I did not even bother to stay for lunch, instead choosing to spend the afternoon taking in liquid nourishment and building my appetite for my friends at The Steak House. I asked a manager how to get to the lobby so I could cab it back to TI. The very nice young man showed me. I thanked him and told him about the rude roulette dealer. “Yeah,” he said. “Some of the dealers here have an attitude problem.” Well, that’s not good for a new hotel, especially when some regular visitors to Vegas have Web sites with a rapidly growing audience. Planet Hollywood’s initials are PH – as in Pathetic Hotel!

This was my ninth trip to Sin City and it was one of my best. I actually missed the Jay Leno show because I got caught up in an intense and ultimately quite profitable game of blackjack, but I am sure Jay would understand. The old reliables are still doing everything right. Caesars Palace, The Mirage, Bellagio (their conservatory is stunning), and, of course, Treasure Island, all remain the most solid bets on the Strip. I did not get to the Wynn or New York-New York on this trip, but they too are among the best there. I am convinced that anything Steve Wynn touches is gold, so I am considering possibly staying at his new Encore on my next trip, which tops the Wynn for extravagance, with every standard room a one bedroom suite.

There truly is no place like Vegas. And remember, it’s not a gambling problem if you are winning. 


Stop the Country - I Want to Get Off
January 23, 2009
 
I said not long ago that Caroline Kennedy was "more respectable" than most members of her
family. Hmmm, maybe not. Must be some juicy reason for her to suddenly take herself out
of contention for Hillary Clinton's Senate seat after weeks of shameless campaigning.
With her out of the picture, I was convinced Gov. Paterson would choose either Rep.
Carolyn Maloney or Rep. Kirsten Gillibrand. He went with the latter, who is certainly
easy on the eyes but a relative unknown beyond her upstate district. It was important for
Paterson to pick a woman because he is of the belief that women are still underrepresented
in 21st century America. What a putz.

In a way, I am glad Paterson made this pick because it leaves open a real shot for a
Republican candidate to win the Senate in 2010. There are two top contenders who have
expressed interest in either running for Senate or against Paterson for Governor in 2010 -
Peter King and Rudy Giuliani, either one of whom would make a splended Governor or
Senator. Although recent polls show Paterson's popularity slipping, he is well-liked by
the clueless, mostly Democratic voters of New York. No Democrat seems to want to
challenge Paterson for the nomination in 2010 for fear of being labeled racist for trying
to take the top job in the state away from a man of color - a shame, especially since
Andrew Cuomo, who is probably the Democrat I most admire, would have a genuine shot at
beating Paterson and, like his father, be a terrific Governor.

As for our new President, I have gotten over coronation day...er, inauguration day, and
will actually say a few nice things about the new POTUS. He and Michelle are a dynamite
looking couple - throw the two girls in and they are probably the best looking first
family we have ever had. I desperately hope, though, that there is real substance beneath
what is a very attractive exterior. President Obama's decision to close Guantanamo leaves
a big question unanswered: what does he plan on doing with the detainees once Guantanamo
is closed? Set them up in a condo in Miami? This has shades of the Mariel Boatlift when
Jimmy Carter recklessly allowed 125,000 Cuban refugees into Florida, many of whom had been
released from Cuban jails and mental health facilities.

We live in crazy times and they only seem to be getting crazier. I wish President Obama
well, but trust me, the man cannot walk on water. The American people took a big gamble
electing this guy. Speaking of gambling, I am off to Vegas tomorrow for a much needed
holiday in which I plan to put the sin in Sin City. I will report back on seeing Jay Leno
perform at the Mirage and hopefully have some great restaurant reviews to post. And if I
come back with a few bucks, that'll be nice too.


Inauguration Day
January 20, 2009

I'm too verklempt to say anything. Talk amongst yourselves.


Israel Must Defend Itself and We Must Support Them 
December 30, 2008

For those of you not familiar with Manhattan, their is a wonderful area in Greenwich Village
called Union Square. It divides the East and West Village and has a beautiful park, a green
market, and lots of shopping. Unfortunately, it has long been a site for demonstrations,
and this being New York, that means leftist demonstrations, often times in support of the
Palestinians and against Israel.

Last night on the news, I saw one New Yorker protesting against Israel defending itself.
How pathetic that anyone can side with the deranged minds and actions of the Palestinians,
fundamentalist nuts who strap bombs on themselves and kill themselves and others in the name
of Allah. These are the people who should have their own state, a state that undoubtedly
will be a hotbed for terrorism against Israel and the West? Most shameful are a rather
significant and despicable number of American Jews, the majority of whom are based in
liberal big cities, who side with the Palestinians. I am always amazed that of all ethnic
groups, the Jews are always the ones who do not stand up for our own best interests.

Why is it that when Israel retaliates after an attack it's called a massacre but when Israel
is attacked it is not? Why is it that when Israel defends itself it makes the front page
but when it's attacked, it's not the top story? The Palestinian movement wants more than
its own state, it wants the destruction of Israel. They must be stopped by whatever means
necessary.

Israel has always been one of the most important friends of the United States and our
allegiance to them must be unwaivering. I worry how President-elect Obama will act towards
Israel. If he ever condemns Israel for defending itself in the face of terrorism, he will
be doing immense damage to one of our most important allies.


The Blind Leading the Blind
December 19, 2008

Leave it to The New York Times to mostly defend Gov. Paterson's budget. Especially this gem from yesterday's paper: "Tucked among all the discouraging budget cuts is one bright spot. Mr. Paterson wants to raise payments to welfare recipients for the first time in 18 years."

Ah, yes, the Times' pages should bleed red with their deep concern for those on welfare. Gimme a break! For most people who collect welfare, it has become a way of life, not a temporary relief. Raising welfare payments, especially at a time when New York is in such a financial crisis, is ludicrous.

People get the government they deserve. And if the people of New York state vote for Paterson in 2010, they will deserve more of the same.

Now onto to another aspiring politician, Caroline Kennedy. It was reported that Ms. Kennedy will go to Harlem today to meet with Al Sharpton over lunch at Sylvia's restaurant. You know Sylvia's, right? This is the legendary soul food restaurant that threw a party celebrating O.J. Simpson's acquittal in 1995! And Ms. Kennedy will be there tomorrow breaking cornbread with that disgraceful buffoon Sharpton. How proud JFK would be of his little girl. How about Chelsea Clinton for the Senate? She is about as qualified as Caroline Kennedy. And she is female, a very important criterion for the Governor.

Schumer. Clinton. Paterson. Kennedy. Only Andrew Cuomo, who has been doing a superb job as Attorney General, is qualified for any top job in the state. Cuomo, like his father, is principled, smart, and a hard worker whose strengths go beyond party politics. Choosing him to fill Hillary's Senate seat would show that maybe Paterson is savvier than I think. But the smart money's on Kennedy.


New York State: Out of Its Mind
December 16, 2008

The Kennedys and Clintons are like herpes - no matter what, you just can't get rid of them. While Caroline Kennedy is certainly more respectable than most of the members of her family, she really does not have much to run on beyond her famous name. Furthermore, I was disheartened to hear she called Al Sharpton to discuss her interest in the Senate. Huh? Whenever I try to get into the mind of a Democrat, I am again reminded why, despite all of my gripes with the GOP, I remain a registered Republican. Why do Democrats need to reach out to frauds like Sharpton? To prove they are not racist?

The best candidate for the Senate is Rudy Giuliani, who famously refused to meet with Sharpton for the entire eight years he was Mayor. Like most things Giuliani does, he did not care if it was a popular choice. Gov. Paterson seems to only want to appoint a woman to any vacancy. After all, in 21st century America, women really are held back. Women are CEO's these days, many earn higher salaries then men with families to support, and they actually comprise most of the workforce. Yet bleeding hearts like Paterson try to make themselves out as the feminist's best friend. Enough already.

New York really is in a sad state. We have one soon-to-be former Senator who only wanted the gig as a stepping stone to the White House. Another Senator who never met a TV camera he didn't like. And a Governor who stumbled into the job and continues to stumble, with such moronic proposals as an obesity tax on full-calorie soda and a plan to increase the amount of money for welfare recipients. We should be encouraging people to get off welfare - raising it sends a signal that being on welfare is okay. It is not.

I hope Paterson picks someone weak for the Senate so Rudy can easily run against them, or better yet, run against this sorry excuse for a Governor that we have Eliot Spitzer to thank for.


Blagoy-vey!
December 10, 2008
 
Is it a wonder that most of us do not trust politicians? One after another, they show their contempt for the people they are supposed to serve with amazingly dumb acts of criminality. Joining the recently disgraced ranks of Spitzer, Fosella, Craig, Rangel, and Stevens is Rod Blagojevich, the two-term Democratic Governor of Illinois, who may be the most despicable thug of them all.

Did this guy actually think he could get away with selling President-elect Obama's senate seat? What a staggering lack of judgment and morals this man has. It makes you really think if there are any truly honest and decent people left in politics these days. I have enormous respect for Gov. Schwarzenegger. I've made my feelings about former Mayor Giuliani well-known. When it comes to congress, I can think of no one more respectable than Peter King. Joe Lieberman is the most admirable senator we have. There, I just named a few to be counted on one hand.

I hope Blagojevich gets the harshest punishment possible. I am reminded of that famous rant uttered by Joseph N. Welch during the Army-McCarthy hearings. I think it certainly applies to the soon-to-be former Governor: "Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?"


Start Spreading the News: Liza's Back! 
December 8, 2008

Liza Minnelli's four-week engagement at the Palace Theater marks a huge comeback for a star who is one of the last of her kind. Slimmed down, energetic, and remarkably youthful for 62, Liza put on a two and a half hour show in which she nailed every song. Accompanied by longtime friend Billy Stritch on piano, Liza has a quartet of male dancers who add wonderful support in the second act, which is largely a tribute to Liza's godmother, Kay Thompson. The dancers - Cortes Alexander, Jim Caruso, Tiger Martina, and Johnny Rodgers - have a sincere rapport with Liza and perfectly compliment her exuberant style.

Song highlights included Liza's first act closer of "Cabaret," a touching rendition of "Mammy," and, best of all, her two closing numbers, "New York, New York" and "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." When she sang the latter, it was like watching her mother resurrected from beyond. The audience was made up of die-hard Minnelli fans, but she earned every standing ovation, regardless of the obvious affection that was prevalent in the theater.

Liza got winded several times after some of the numbers, but she smartly made reference to it and, after a few sips of Gatorade, quickly recovered. With all of the well-known physical and emotional struggles Liza has been through, she performed with more heart, energy, and sheer talent than any performer half her age. It might have been too corny and obvious for her to sing Sondheim's "I'm Still Here," but she personifies that song's theme of a show business trooper who won't give up.

I have a feeling after the show closes on December 28th, it won't be long before Liza returns. She had a lot riding on this show and has succeeded big time.


Black Friday Indeed
November 28, 2008

I hate the holidays. I do not understand why most gentiles spend 364 days a year looking forward to one day. Christmas has zero meaning. Like Thanksgiving, it is a gluttonous holiday all about material goods. I cannot fathom how empty a life a person must have to show up at a department store at 4:00 a.m. the day after Thankgiving to start Christmas shopping.

Earlier today, there was disturbing news that a Wal-Mart employee on Long Island was trampled to death by a throng of unruly shoppers. Trampled to death!!! A 34-year-old working for minimum wage lost his life because of rabid, crazed shoppers! This is the spirit of the season?

As a rule, I do not send holiday cards or buy holiday gifts for anyone. I used to, but it got way out of hand. Also, I have very few close friends anymore and thankfully they do not exchange gifts either. Buy me a drink, I'll buy you a drink - maybe that's as far as it will go.

The holiday shopping craze is yet another indication of how truly dumb most Americans are. Ebenezer Scrooge was one very misunderstood figure.


Well, It Seemed Like a Promising Start 
November 24, 2008

I have really been trying to give Barack Obama the benefit of the doubt and hope he becomes a good President. I was so impressed with his pledge to issue an executive order to lift President Bush's limits on stem cell research that I thought, hey, maybe I was wrong. Maybe this guy will do a good job. But the choices he has been making for his cabinet are extremely disappointing. I don't think Hillary would have appointed as many Clinton alums as Obama has. This is change? I've seen better cabinets at Home Depot.


Governor Giuliani? Run, Rudy, Run! 
November 17, 2008

I love Rudy Giuliani. How much clearer can I be in my respect for this great man? He was my choice for President from the very beginning. He was the best Mayor New York City has ever had and possesses the kind of genuine leadership abilities that no one since his own hero, Ronald Reagan, has shown.

After dropping out of the race for President earlier this year, Giuliani said he would not run for any public office again. But Rudy loves being an elected official and he now says he will not rule out running for Governor of New York in 2010 or President in 2012. I hope he does both, but I would strongly urge him to run for Governor. This is a race he can win. David Paterson seems like an okay guy. He is likeable and funny. But he has not demonstrated any reason why he should be reelected in two years.

Giuliani is still popular enough to run on his record as Mayor. It won't be a cakewalk, though. New York is a very blue state and a lot of extreme left liberals hate Giuliani. They call him a bully. They say he is a racist because he put black people in jail (HELLO!!! He put black people in jail who were criminals!). New York was a disaster during the Dinkins years. Giuliani turned it into the safest big city in the country. He never governed based on polls or what was popular - he did what he thought was right.

As a rule, we should never hold anyone to such high standards. Rudy is not perfect and he is the first to admit it. Rudy did not run a good campaign for President and was shaky in the initial debates (hey, if the only people you ever had to debate were David Dinkins and Ruth Messinger, you would be shaky too!). But in terms of character, ability, experience, and a true record of achievement, I cannot think of anyone who is better suited to lead than Rudy Giuliani.

Of course, if he becomes Governor in 2010 and then wants to run for President in 2012, how much attention will he be able to give to his duties in Albany? But then again, Barack Obama spent two of his four years in the Senate running for President, so it may be hard to criticize Giuliani for this. He will need to make a serious decision, though. Does he run for Governor and hold out a presidential run until 2016? He will be 72 then, the same age as John McCain when he ran for President this time around. If Barack Obama turns out to be even an "okay" President, he will be tough to beat in 2012. Rudy has some thinking to do. But I hope he runs for Governor. New York needs him.


I'll Admit It: Obama's Off to a Promising Start
November 10, 2008 

Nearly a week has passed since the election. I have ran through the emotions of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I have calmed down and realize Barack Obama will indeed be my President too, and I sincerely wish him well. I hope he turns out to be a great President and I eat crow. So far, he is off to a very good start with his announcement that as soon as he is sworn in he will issue an executive order to lift the limits on stem cell research instituted by President Bush. Good for him.

Stem cell research can be a vital tool in helping to combat some our most common and deadly diseases. Bush's religious drunkenness blinded him to the reality that stem cell research can save lives one day. I doubt John McCain, with his sickeningly anti-abortion running mate, would have done what Obama plans to do. Obama may have slipped up when he made a crack about Nancy Reagan and seances a few days ago, but I am sure Mrs. Reagan, a staunch supporter of stem cell research, is beaming at the news that Obama will be an advocate for it as President. With this comes the hope that perhaps one day people with Alzheimer's Disease won't have to suffer the slow and painful demise that Mrs. Reagan watched her husband go through for many years.

I will be a tough critic of Barack Obama when necessary but I will also commend him when he does something good. This is an encouraging sign. Way to go, Mr. President-elect.


Can I Be Frank With You?
November 7, 2008

Sometimes you're just in the mood for a hot dog. But, in the constant struggle to eat healthier and watch one's weight, hot dogs have become one of those occasional indulgences. But I believe I discovered a guilt-free way to enjoy this delightful treat - Empire Kosher Turkey Franks. They have only 100 calories and 8 grams of fat per dog as opposed to 150 calories and 14 grams for a regular Hebrew National beef hot dog. And there is no lacking in the flavor department. These franks are juicy and delicious. And you can have two or three without feeling like you need to run six miles the next day. Best of all, a package of eight franks was only $2.79 at the Food Emporium on Sixth Avenue in the West Village - far cheaper than all other brands of turkey, chicken or beef hot dogs.

I enjoyed my turkey dogs on a traditional hot dog bun with Tabasco spicy mustard and Sabrett onions in sauce. Try them - Empire Kosher Turkey Franks. You won't be disappointed.


Shame on You, America! 
November 5, 2008

Well, the American people have spoken. You know the American people, don't you? These are the idiots who waste their evenings watching mindless drivel like Dancing with the Stars and Wife Swap, who spend millions to make High School Musical 3 a hit movie, who spend all day listening to rap music and gabbing on their cell phones while drinking obscenely priced coffee drinks from Starbucks. Well, they have now elected a totally unqualified and unfit man to the highest office in the land. Yes, it is historic to have a black President. Yes, we have come a long way as a nation. Yes, it's great that anyone can be President, regardless of race or religion or gender. No one can argue with that. But this guy is dangerous, untested, and will be a disaster on the level of Jimmy Carter. You want change? Just wait. America has elected a celebrity, not a leader.

A lot of Americans are feeling proud today. I have never felt more ashamed to be an American. The presidency is not American Idol. It should be taken seriously. And don't think I don't lay blame on the Republicans. John McCain was the wrong candidate, Sarah Palin was a joke as a running mate, and Rudy Giuliani, who possesses more character, leadership, and experience than any of them, got totally screwed.

Remember all those bleeding hearts who said they would leave the country if Bush was reelected? Well, if I had the means, I would put my money where my mouth is and be on a plane to somewhere very far away. President Obama? Not my President.


Election Day 2008 - Be Afraid...Be Very Afraid...
November 4, 2008

I went early this morning to do my duty as a good American and vote. Unlike four years ago, when I tossed and turned all night about whether to vote for Bush or Kerry, I had no second thoughts on my decision. I voted for John McCain. Living in New York City, I am in a clear minority. After all, New York is one of the most liberal cities in the country, maybe the most liberal.

These past months, as I walked the streets of Manhattan, I saw people of all ages and colors wearing their Obama buttons and shirts and hats. I bought a McCain button a few days ago and proudly wore it, surprised no one accosted me with, "What's wrong with you? How can you vote for that man???"

As I write this on the morning of November 4, 2008, it does not look good for John McCain. I am still holding out hope of an upset, which is possible but highly unlikely. Obama has served up the Kool-Aid and the American people are drinking it. It's scary to think that a man with only four years experience in the Senate, despicable personal ties, and an economic policy that screams of socialism is poised to become the most powerful man in the world.

I blame the Republicans for not nominating their best hope at the White House, Rudy Giuliani. McCain is a good guy, he is a war hero, he seems like a nice man. But he is not the best choice for President. Compared to Obama, however, there is no question who is better qualified to lead. I am hoping the polls are wrong. I hope McCain comes from behind and wins. And if he does, be warned - there will be an uprising the likes of which this country has never seen. "This election was stolen from us!" Obama's militant supporters will cry. They will protest, riot, destroy property, set fires - oh, sounds racist, you say? I am saying this based on history. This could lead to what will be the equivalent of a modern civil war.

I said for the longest time, no matter who becomes President after Bush, well, they can't be any worse. Now I am thinking, yes, there could be a worse President than George W. Bush. An Obama presidency will bring change, all right. A very scary change for this country. I am hoping the American people are not as dumb as I think and can see past the pretty package that is Obama and realize how unqualified and dangerous he is.


Kids Should Be Eaten, Not Heard 
October 25, 2008

I do not like kids. Even when I was a kid, I did not like them. Now most people would say this makes me a bad person. I don't know - I mean I love puppies, I am good to my mother, I give money to Jerry's Kids, I always say please and thank you. In actuality, I think it makes me a responsible person because I choose not to bring more children into this overpopulated and dangerous world.

In all fairness, it really is not the kids I have a problem with, it's the parents. After all, kids are kids and they will behave as such. But it seems most parents have no consideration for others in public. Whether it's on public transporation or in a store or restaurant, we are supposed to sit back and listen as their kids scream and cry. I'm sorry, but this is not cute to me.

I have walked out of restaurants because there were small children behaving badly. I have gotten out of my seat at the movie theater and pointed out the sick parent who brought a crying baby in a carriage to an R-rated movie ("It's actually PG-13," the usher pointed out - who cares???!!!). And on the bus ride to work in the morning, when I want nothing more than to just sit in quiet, I love these obnoxious parents who seem to egg on their loud children. On a recent bus ride, I applauded as one of these parents and her kids got off the bus. "Is there something wrong," this mother asked. "No, it's adorable," I said. "Loud children that you can't control are just adorable." I went on to say, "You people with kids have absolutely no respect for others around you. And no one says anything!" Of course, I was viewed as the Crazy Guy on the Bus Who Hates Kids. So be it.

I give a lot of credit to married couples who choose not to have kids. These couples are usually viewed as oddities. Well, not everyone gets married to continue to bring more life into the world. Some people actually marry because they love each other and they do not need to prove it by popping out 3.5 kids at a rate of every 18 months.

Just as with rude people who constantly squawk on their cell phones with no respect for anyone around them, it seems that most parents think that they themselves invented childbirth and that we should be in awe of their whining, snot-nosed creations. What was W.C. Fields' line when he was asked if he liked children? "Yes," he said, "if they're cooked properly."


McCain for President 
October 23, 2008

It would be nice to vote for someone for President of the United States with enthusiasm and passion instead of just picking the lesser of two evils. But this election year presents exactly that scenario for me, as well as many other people I know personally. But I must support Sen. John McCain over Sen. Barack Obama - the reasons are abundant.

I still remain convinced that the only candidate worthy of the presidency is Rudy Giuliani. But Giuliani ran a bad campaign, had incompetent advisors, and finished last or near last in most every primary he was in. After Giuliani dropped out, I was going to vote for Obama. After all, he is young, energetic, attractive, smart, a dynamic speaker who excites people. But I ultimately saw what was beneath this beautiful package - a typical politician with socialist views, a record of no genuine achievement, and past associations that are downright scary (how do you sit in a church for twenty years listening to a crazed anti-American racist ideologue like Jeremiah Wright and not know where he stands?).

John McCain is a true war hero. This alone does not qualify him for the top job, but he has a record of service that should not be scoffed at. He has been in the U.S. Senate for twenty-two years and has often stood up against his party's majority. But McCain is deeply flawed. I am troubled by his pro-life stance on abortion. He has not layed out any clear, rational immigration reform plan. And I must agree with his detractors that he often looks like he is desperately trying to control a raging temper that could get out of control. Most troubling, however, was his mind-numbing pick of Sarah Palin as his running mate. I am no fan of Mitt Romney or Mike Huckabee, but either would have been a superior choice over an untested young Governor with no foreign policy experience. And if McCain really was the maverick he claims to be, he would have tapped Joe Lieberman, who is one of the most decent, competent, and skilled public servants we have (and who would make a superb Secretary of State in a McCain administration).

Still, with the choice being what it is, I must cast my vote for John McCain. He will be the stronger leader best equipped to handle the enormity of the job of President. I strongly urge you to join me in voting for him on November 4th.